Continuous Education

And other paths I never traveled down

This period of my life can only be described as hibernation, grief, and a little bit of what the fuck. There’s a sensation of slowness like I must wait for the green light. But, also a sensation of constant grief when I realize how much is actually happening to or being removed for me to *hopefully* make room for new energy. And a little wtf because I truly have no idea where my foot is about to land as I move forward.

Which, I know contradicts everything I talked about last week as I had such a huge feeling of gratitude. That feeling is still there, but we contain multitudes baby and that means, feeling as much as possible sometimes.

What I struggle with the most during this period of fog regarding my future, is how eager people are to insert their opinions into how I go about living. It’s like we all are a little too excited to play real-life Sims that we jump at the opportunity to dictate when we see someone having an identity crisis.

Some paths I’ve been told are “right” for me:

• go to med school

• become a flight attendant

• get my master’s in psychology

• get my master’s in creative writing

• get a different bachelor’s degree

• get into sales at Amazon

• become a Covid tracker

• stay in upstate NY

• move to South Carolina

• work for a boat company

• get married

• become a house sitter

While I appreciate the creativity and the diverse range of possibilities people see for me, it does nothing but drive me deeper into the hole of “who am I?”

A part of me becomes terrified that I have no idea what is about to happen and another part of me laughs at how truly unlimited our choices are for living. Others have so many opinions about what I should do because they truly have no idea themselves. Maybe they just want someone to take that first step into that unknown so they can see if it is possible for themselves. We truly are all making it up as we go.