How to Spot Your Hell Loop
and what to do about it
Hello and welcome to your hell loop.
We are so glad you could join us in this seemingly never-ending experience.
While on the ride, you may experience the following:
victim mentality
uncomfortable deja vu
meeting someone new and having flashbacks to someone else
telling people you’re “just in a rut”
saying “I don’t know why this keeps happening” (but you do)
the feeling that you’re constantly settling
not trusting your decisions
fear of setting boundaries
Please keep your hands in feet inside the hell loop at all times.
Enjoy.
The last couple days to pick up a hell loop design are here so I thought what better way to celebrate than to talk more about the thing that I already love talking about?
Hell Loop noun.
reoccuring theme that pops up for the individual to learn from, face or heal.
The best visual for hell loops, besides my designs, is Westworld. A show I’ve watched many times.
Years ago, I wrote about this idea that maybe Earth was actually hell and the only purpose we all have is to learn as much as we can through experiences in order to “ascend” out of hell.
And then I watched Westword.
For those of you unwilling to watch, Westworld is about a theme park with disturbingly life-like robots that live out these narratives. Guests can join the narratives, kill the robots, do whatever they want to them. And then when the robot dies, they are reset back on their narrative.
The robots begin to have deja vu and start to move down the path towards sentience and eventually discover this maze symbol. I won’t spoil the maze symbol because I do think everyone should watch this show, but let’s just say, my theory of hell loops was fully formed as I was watching this show.
The theory was reaffirmed when I learned about Dolores Cannon, a hypnotherapist that wrote 17 books on her patients’ past-life regressions. At this conference, she spoke about life after death and the levels our soul transitions through. This is where (I’m pretty sure) she said “Earth can be seen as Hell.”
Which of course blew my mind. Between that, Westworld, and Joe Dispenza, I found myself diving into the world of shadow work.
Combined with this idea that our brain is always trying to prove ourselves right and put us into homeostasis, I began experimenting with shadow work and how it would play out in my reality.
I directly talk about identity and shifting in this episode:
But, I can also find the thread on shadow and these hell loop experiences woven throughout most of what I write.
One of my first experience with hell loops was healing this shadow of desirability.
There was this pattern in my life that I had to push for a relationship; they never came easily. Even when it was clear that we both had feelings for each other, it felt like pulling teeth to get us both to commit.
On the flip side, I would enter into these friendships where they would eventually blow up because they would confess their love to me and tell me that they couldn’t handle just being friends.
So I was getting resistance from those I desired and giving resistance to those that desired me.
And one day I counted…18 times. 18 times I’ve lost a friendship because they would confess their love or tell me I was leading them on or get into a relationship and tell me that I was too much like a girlfriend to stay friends with.
And as I wrote all of their names down that this happened with all I could do was stare at my journal and say
Huh.
Clearly that isn’t a coincidence that this experience kept occurring. And surely, I didn’t just meet 18 people who were only friends with me to get close to me in a romantic way. And the strange thing was they all reminded me of each other. When I became friends with them, I had this moment of deja vu, and a little ping to say “hey this seems familiar.”
For a time, I was convinced that most men just suck and only view me as a service or posession.
When I began exploring shadow work, I tried on radical responsibility and asked myself how these friendships were helping me avoid real intimacy. I wondered if I was leading them on, if I wanted to be in these codependent relationships so I could feel desired while pursuing those that weren’t giving me the same attention.
We would rather be in situations that are familiar than ones that are better for us if those situations are unknown.
So I was getting into what was familiar.
To break the hell loop, I had to hold space for the part of me that was attracted to these situations. I had to hold compassion for the girl that just wanted to feel wanted. Forgive the memories where that girl didn’t receive what she needed. And hold love for everyone that came to her to reflect that loop.
Acknowledgement. Forgiveness. Movement.
Every hell loop is here to bring awareness to a need that has not been met. A soul desire. And when we acknowledge the loop, the role we play in it, and show it love and compassion, we can move forward into an expanded version.
A common question I get is, “can there be good hell loops?”
I think that depends on your definition of good. I don’t think of hell loops as “bad.” Good and bad are just meanings we place upon experiences. The meaning we give is a personal choice.
So I guess I don’t believe “hell” as bad. I don’t mean hell as a dark, evil, place that is reserved for sinners. Hell loop to me, is a reoccurring theme that we are here to face. A lot of time, those are loops of suffering, which is why I named it hell.
After we break a hell loop, I think we move into an enlightened path. You can even think of a hell loop as a mind labyrinth and when we find the exit, we experience a beautiful garden.
Subtle Activation
When you start looking into your patterns, ask yourself where you experience deja vu? Are there certain people that remind you of each other?
Write those people down and ask yourself what their common thread is. Do these people fill a childhood wound or something you are seeking?
Look at what you say about yourself.
Do you shut down compliments? A specific compliment? Do you call yourself something that a part of you feels shame for?
Something that I did when I first started was sit with one hand on my stomach and one on my heart and tell my inner child “you are safe now. you no longer have to survive. let me protect you,” over and over.
When we move through a hell loop, it’s important to fill the energy. We can remove something, but then we will be left with a void. So make sure you find aligned action you want to hold.
Make sure to book your Human Design reading before the end of tomorrow!
More CITF
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