Somewhere along my perpetual quest to balance my creative over-production with my obsessive media consumption in the name of relaxation, I began to read.
I set my goal for 40 books this year, and as I hit book 41, I decided to make a list of little lessons I gathered from all of the books of the year. I didn’t enjoy all of them (try to guess which ones), but I *try* to find some lessons even in the shitty books, much like life.
And as I wrote, I began to notice this red thread connecting the books. Like an evolution of my year, so too are the lessons found from each, blending together to reflect the themes that also came up for me.
If you take anything from this newsletter, here are the top books I would tell you to read right now: The Memory Police, Butter, The Shepherd King series, and To Shake The Sleeping Self.
Veronica Speedwell Series Books 5-9 by Deanna Raybourn
I found this series after the whirlwind that is ACOTAR, and a much needed come to Jesus moment with the parts of myself that are closed off to connection.
The main character is so good at convincing herself that she is always in control that when the uncertainty of love comes in, she does everything she can to avoid admitting that she may not be in as much control as she wants to believe.
It’s a fun Sherlock-esque series that reminds you how important connection and collaboration really is.
Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
“You are afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.” — Elizabeth Gilbert
The beginning of 2024 was constantly showing me how fragile my illusion of control truly is. And while Brown probably intended for this to be for your personal relationship to control, I couldn’t help but dive into the ways in which people, companies, and societies try to monopolize that anxiety for their own benefit. We get fed an anxiety to push our choices towards the illusion of control — if I align with this being, company, group, then I can regain the very little control I may have. I wrote about it more at the beginning of the year.
To Shake the Sleeping Self by Jedidiah Jenkins
I read this on the plane to Barcelona and I got off the flight in tears.
“...goals help us get a lot done. But they often remove our attention from the experience to the achievement. When we arrive at our goal, we think, then we will be happy. When we finally get there, we can celebrate and have fun. When I get that job, I'll be fulfilled then. When I get married, I will be happy. The Eden we pine for is not under our own feet or bike tires, but over the next mountain.”
Presence feels like trying to grab smoke — I see it. I can describe it. But, once I try to hold presence, it dances along my fingertips, disappearing beneath my skin. This book helped remind to take a breath and take in my spaces.
Crowns of Nyxia Series by Carissa Broadbent
The first smutty series of the year. I swear there’s a lesson. The main character is strong, independent, and always focusing on doing better. It was also an enemies to lovers story which is always a good reminder that life is fucking messy.
I want to believe that I’m not just some horny reader, but have been drawn to these types of books because I want to believe in loving connection. There’s so much media out there about how dating is in hell, and it’s so hard now to have connection, but I think when we step outside of online dating and social media, we can really meet beautiful people. At least that’s what I want to believe.
The Weaver and the Witch Queen by Genevieve Gornichec
Today, it feels like if we don’t hear from our friends daily then our connection is failing. That we must not be that close. I often feel anxious that I have no permanence to others. That if I don’t hear from people then they must not think about me.
This book is a reminder that you can love people and not be in contact. That your connections can still support you, even if you don’t hear from them, even if you take different paths in life.
Sisterhood is important. Cherish it in all its many facets.
Shadow and Bone Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo
Power should not be the ultimate goal.
I was late to reading this trilogy, so I might not have been the target audience, and I often found myself rooting for the bad guy, BUT, it is a good reminder as someone who values power, that it is not the only virtue to aspire to.
A lot of my values have shifted the past year, and this book was a nice reflection of my own understanding of power, leadership, influence, and how those are no longer driving forces for my future.
The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green
We are all living history. We all are causing ripples on Earth, in our culture, in our home.
The whole book had me reflecting on what my personal Anthropocene, and what I would write given the chance to record our history.
In the end, art and life are more like the World’s Largest Ball – you carefully choose your colors and then you add your layer the best you can.
The Carls, 1 & 2 by Hank Green
From the other Green brother.
I think there’s a balance to wanting personal success and striving for the betterment of society as a whole and I don’t know anyone really who has discovered that balance yet.
We all want to be generous, good, virtuous. But, we also are pushed this narrative of individual success that naturally competes with those values of community. If given the opportunity of bettering the world by the detriment of your self, would you do it?
Crescent City Series by Sarah J. Maase
Don’t trust Booktok.
But, also, there are a lot of books about the self-sacrifice of female protagonists, and this series made me really want to start writing fiction.
Your Brain on Art by Susan Magsamen
Drawing activates multiple regions in the brain that force our brain to process information in new ways while inspiring us to imagine and create new images in the brain.
I used to draw on all of my notebooks during classes, it helped me retain the learning and grounded me in the moment. I feel like doodling gets shamed out of you when you reach adulthood. Good employees don’t doodle during meetings or when they’re thinking. It isn’t seen as productive. Yet, the less I’ve drawn, the further away from presence I have felt. So, just doodle. You’ll be happy you did.
Play it as it Lays by Joan Didion
Say as much as you need to, in as little as you can.
Stone Blind by Natalie Haynes
Every story can be shared in as many way as there are eyes upon it. Be open to all those stories.
“Why would anyone love a monster?' asked Perseus.
'Who are you to decide who is worthy of love?' said Hermes.
'I mean, I wasn't...'
'And who are you to decide who is a monster?' added the messenger god.”
Medusa has always been an important symbol to me and this book reminded me to stay true to our hearts even when the world is calling you a monster.
The Bone Witch series by Rin Chupesco
There is beauty in finding strength even when the world is against you. Much like Medusa in Stone Blind.
And most of the time that strength lies in accepting your own flaws.
The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty
Middle-age is not the end of your adventures. I don’t know, there’s something inspiring about a middle-aged female pirate coming out of retirement to kick some ass.
This book was also a reminder that everyone is complex, everyone has dark parts of themselves, who they may be to out in the world’s eye is not who they are in the quiet moments. To me, the quiet moments are the truth of a person.
Butter by Asako Yuzuki
Women are going to be villainized no matter how they act, what they look like, or what they achieve. The book shows a woman who has been leaning into the societal pressure of a “good woman,” and a woman who refuses to participate. It leaves you asking yourself where you see yourself in that pressure.
“The main character allowed her body to shift as she explored food and the lead on a story she was writing. She saw her body change and chose to accept herself despite the comments from colleagues, friends, even her partner. She chose to move through life with joy and curiosity instead of restriction and surveillance.
And it was one of the most triggering books I’ve ever read.”
Monstrilio by Gerado Sámano Córdova
Grief holds us all differently, but it always latches onto us. Grief is difficult to shed, and often feeds on us to grow into its own monster. We can learn to live with it, to love it, to accept it. Or we can shun it, and deepen our own destruction.
But, grief doesn’t leave, it just takes a new form.
The Will of the Many by James Islington
Leave it to a fantasy book to explain oppression and late stage capitalism using magic and giant crystals.
It’s so difficult to find autonomy in a system that actively benefits from your defeat. It is not better, but it is easier to lean into the very system that you despise. And then you are left asking yourself how much individual responsibility you have for upholding such a system. Many choose to blind themselves, than sit with the truth.
Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia
Even the most solid and rigid of us can open and shift.
When I was younger I told people that I wanted to stay open, in spite of it all. That I didn’t want to let myself become hardened by life.
This book reminded me of that desire and the need to let innocence give us wisdom.
Ariadne by Jennifer Sant
Decenter men.
That isn’t a joke. As I was reading this I became so frustrated with the characters for building their entire lives around the men they encounter (not that women back then had much choice). They are destroyed by the very men they thought saved them.
It is a blessing that men do not have to be the epicenter of our personal legends anymore. Do right by the Ariadnes of the past and go live, fully and completely in your way.
The Shepherd King, 1 & 2 by Rachel Gilig
There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.
The story of Icarus flying too close to the sun has always frightened me because you don’t realize if you are too close. And this series reminded me of that, but also, what it takes to come back down before it truly is too late.
“Practice restraint, and know it by touch.
Use Cards when they’re needed, and never too much.
For too much of fire, our swords would all break.
Too much of wine a poison doth make.
Excess is grievous, be knave, maid, or crown.
Too much of water, how easy we drown.”
Artificial Wisdom by Thomas R. Weaver
We all need to start peer reviewing again and listing sources.
It’s unnerving to think about how much misinformation can be spread and weaponized. We don’t need to take everything at face value — and I think it can feel hard when we are being given so much information at all times. But, we do not have to fall victim to our biases and the potentially altered information peddled to us, or if we do, we can course correct and find equally challenging sources to keep us grounded.
The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa
How much can we lose before we are no longer ourselves, and how easily can we accept that loss?
Loss is inevitable. Change is constant. We are always being bounced between the two, but in those in between spaces, we can fill up our homes with our ideas, our moments, our cherished things and notice them as much as we can. Notice how the emotions shift in the memory, how the curve of someone’s smile lights up the room. Moments and things are fleeting, we are fleeting, but those moments and things and how we attach them to ourselves in those in between spaces, are all the more powerful because they are fleeting. Cherish them while you hold them.
“But in a world turned upside down, things I thought were mine and mine alone can be taken away much more easily than I would have imagined. If my body were cut up in pieces and those pieces mixed with those of other bodies, and then if someone told me, “Find your left eye,” I suppose it would be difficult to do so.”
Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much by Jen Winston
People want black and white. They want to know where to categorize something. It is a rebellious act to refuse a binary, and you yourself will question why you have done so or were born in a way that makes it feel impossible.
You are not alone in your guilt or confusion. Sexuality, creativity, intellect, anything that cannot necessarily be seen will offer you up a sense of inadequacy to some extent. It is your choice if you keep that gift or offer it back.
Creation Lake by Rachel Kushner
Even when you’re 10 years in and worry you are too far gone, you can leave.
You are allowed to evolve, to outgrow something. Don’t let your ego get too big that you dig yourself deeper instead of restarting.
Breath by James Nestor
Breathe through your nose. I’m serious.
I didn’t realize how important it could be to be present with your breath. The whole time I was reading this book I kept thinking “damn, I really need to be more intentional in my life.”
City of Thieves by David Benioff
Your fear does not define you, and you will often surprise yourself in the moments of true adversity.
All Fours by Miranda July
Let yourself unravel to weave yourself anew. I read this book kicking and screaming the whole ride and it became a book that I wish I never read, but also am glad that I did, much like life. There are so many choices that we don’t know where it will lead, it won’t make sense, we won’t even like the main character (ourself), but we do it anyway. Because we need to. We need to experience the complete lunacy of our actions to know who we are and what we want to strive to be.
Fantasy has its moments, but I find myself gravitating towards the books that press my face to the window and show me what the truth of living. It’s messy, it’s devastating, but it is always worth it.
If you made it this far, thank you. I hope you found a single morsel of a lesson from this review list and I hope you find a book that you love enough to talk about one day.