Why You Need a Healing Team
One person can’t be everything
One person can’t be everything
The road to strengthening your relationship to self is an isolating one. You upheave your past behaviors and beliefs to step into radical self-accpetance and healthy patterns, which often means losing a lot of relationships that are no longer in alignment with the new self. The majority of the time, when we were in low self-worth, we didn’t stick around the most supportive people. So, when we take steps to developing a new relationship with self, that means getting rid of some relationships with others.
And you read about it or hear people mentioning it, but it doesn’t really set in until you’re in the damn thing. But, I never really heard many people talking about solutions to that feeling of isolation; it just seemed like this necessary part of healing that we all go through and must tough it out to reach the end of the tunnel.
As someone whose healing centered around ideas of safety, I found that what got my through that period was creating a healing team.
When I was at my lowest, a rock bottom as some might say, I was in a different country, knew no one, I had just learned what PTSD was and how it affected me, all while my mother was at home battling two different cancers. Then I found myself in a relationship.
That person quickly became my rock. They helped me navigate my trauma, my mother’s illness, the feeling of helplessness. If it sounds like a lot, it’s because it was. I leaned on them for everything and I’m forever grateful for how they helped me. But, when we broke up, I was left hollow and had no idea how to find myself again.
And I don’t think my situation was that uncommon. I notice with most relationships, people tend to make their partner their everything. People joke that when you get into a relationship, you go into a bubble together. You might lose friends, you don’t go out as much, you become tied to each other. It’s easy to become so enmeshed with a partner because we are taught that that’s what is supposed to happen.
And when I began my healing journey and started experiencing that feeling of isolation, I realized it wasn’t all that different than what I experienced during and after my relationship. You lose a full version of you in order to reach another. This time, it was just on my own terms and not for someone else.
I think that’s why introspection and distance is so frightening; we worry that if we are not everything to someone or if someone is not everything to us, then we are nothing. When I created my healing team, I started seeing how much we put onto one person. When we create a team, we take the pressure off of our relationships and can focus on building connections rather than begging to be chosen.
I broke down my healing team into four categories.
Foundation
This is the main method(s) for healing. This can be practitioners, coaches, a program, ritual. Even books go into this group.
Emotional
Anyone (or animal) that you can go to for space to feel. They don’t necessarily need to know the whole situation, but are there to hold a space to work out emotions. A huge part of healing is emotional release and this group is important if we aren’t used to expressing emotions. If you don’t have someone in your life that you feel can hold space, there are Facebook groups, community groups, free therapy, maybe even volunteering at an animal shelter can feel like emotional support.
Accountability
Facebook groups come in handy for this group as well. This is someone or a group that you can go to for active support. To motivate to do the work. Let’s say you’re in a program that focuses on shadow work. Joining the community is a great way to find common ground and work through patterns together. This can also be rituals that help you stay accountable. I light a candle every morning, which gets me ready to journal and look at patterns that I’m working through.
Safety
As amazing as healing is, it’s important to take a break and allow yourself to enjoy life. I was someone who wanted to constantly look at what needed to be shifted that I never sat back to enjoy my progress, causing me to never feel fully safe. Having a person, a group, or activities that bring you back into groundedness, back into joy, is so important to creating a balance with this work.
Creating a healing team helped alleviate the feelings of isolation. I didn’t feel so tied to holding one person responsible for my journey and I felt more trust in myself.
I remember one day a friend asked me what felt safe to me and I broke down in tears. I didn’t realize how much I ran away from that feeling because I was afraid I could never cultivate it on my own. We are constantly shown in society that safety does not come from within so when we are moving through healing, it feels almost impossible.
I sat down and wrote down every single thing and every single person that creates a feeling of safety. From fuzzy socks to holding someone’s hand. No matter how cringey it was, I wrote it down and hung it above my desk to show myself that I can cultivate that feeling through small acts of kindness.
Especially in a time where isolation is the norm, creating a team helps remind myself that I am capable of moving through anything with grace.
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