The Art of Receiving
All you need to do is hold out your hand
If you didn’t know, I’ve dubbed July my romantic hoe month.
To recap:
Romantic Hoe. n. A being who chooses to romanticize their life. Someone who becomes the muse, witnesses each flower, and falls in love with their story. Also known as a slut for existence.
Another thing to note about romantic hoe season is during this season we participate in active receiving.
Active receiving is the conscious choice to set down the masculine attachment and embody a feminine ‘open hand’ towards life.
Here is a list of most everything I’ve openly received during this month alone:
An apartment with floor-to-ceiling windows (my main desire for a home)
The PERFECT job for me that pays nearly double what I made in my last position
a 5 leaf clover (photo below)
a queen bed
100 dollar bill
500 dollars
I made a registry where people came THROUGH (tv, shelving units, milk frother, rice cooker, THE always pan, a snake throw blanket, a glass kettle, wine glasses from my favorite clay artist, etc etc)
asked out on multiple dates
flowers x 2
gold earrings for 11 dollars
free coffee
And given the list, you might ask why I even bother putting a coffee on there. A coffee seems a little bit of a stretch given how many other things I received. But it all holds the same energy to me. The act of receiving has been a journey, I assume similarly for most people, and it takes effort to allow myself to step into that role. To know that I can and should hold my hand out to the world instead of pushing through with a closed fist.
For a long time it felt like I would hear which road to go down and as I began taking my first steps down that path, “making it happen,” I would quickly get smacked in the face by a stop sign. And if I wasn’t getting hit in the face, I was trying to knock down doors that just weren’t excited to greet me.
I despised when I would get told it should feel easy, that the resistance was a sign. Who are you to tell me that the resistance meant I shouldn’t go in? There must be something behind that door that they are afraid I’ll see. I need to get in there and take it. I’m putting in all the work, the door needs to come down, eventually.
*sigh*
But, they’re right.
Ease is good.
When we find ease, we can find nourishment.
When we find ease, we can find our Selves.
And I would’ve been the last to admit this because I love masculine energy. I love my identity being wrapped up in the amount of work I achieve, in the struggle of life, the hero’s journey if you will.
I love feeling like a struggle was worth it.
But, it only worked for so long until I had to admit I was only attached to the struggle because it was my way of avoiding being seen; avoiding showing up authentically as myself.
And now, I can step into trust that as myself, I am free. As myself, I can receive.
Do you know how good it feels to just show up to the party?
Something I’ve noticed over this transition into feminine embodiment is how freaking good I am at making connections. My connections are my magnetism (I’ll talk about this in a bit).
Before magnetic connections, I was never pursued. I always, always felt like I was trying to prove I was worth it, to prove why someone should be interested in me.
The first time someone came up to me and asked me on a date, I was in complete denial. You’re saying I didn’t have to do a god damn thing for someone to be interested in me?? You’re saying I can just exist and people will love me?
The entire first date I was trying to figure out why they asked me out; what their motive was and what they actually wanted from me. I was convinced of ulterior motives only to find out that they genuinely enjoyed who I am and just wanted to get to know me.
It didn’t compute.
When I first began receiving gifts, the heavy guilt set in of “am I even deserving of people gifting me things? Do I owe them something in return? How do I repay all of these people?”
I spiraled, often, until my friend reminded me of something important:
Some people want to show they love you through an offering. It’s okay to receive that love in that way.
And on top of that, you don’t have to “return the favor.” It’s okay to just receive. It’s okay to be in flow, to feel good about life, to be so high on the sky if you get what I’m saying.
Your abundance does not take away from anyone else. Your radiance does nothing but show others what it means to truly shine.
When I began releasing the guilt we’ve been taught to feel when receiving, that was when I started understanding what being in my feminine truly meant.
When I let go of that guilt, when I let go of this attachment to what was coming in and the fear that I wasn’t deserving of being in constant receiver mode, I saw the power of ease.
So let me be VERY clear about receiving.
Deservingness is not entitlement.
Receiving is not greed.
You are deserving of life. You are deserving of ease and of joy and abundance and everything that cooks up in your brain.
And the second you stop villanizing yourself for desire, is the moment you open yourself up to the potential of what could be.
A desire is not your identity. And for me, that is the difference between entitlement and deservingness.
Entitlement tells you that you don’t have the thing you desire because something or someone is keeping it from you.
We often feel entitlement for a relationship.
Where is my person. Where is the love I’m owed.
Something outside of me is keeping my person, my love, outside of me and I’m going to focus only on that lack until it comes in.
Deservingness on the other hand says, “I desire a love that is safe. I deserve a love that is safe. And in that deservingness I choose to show up in love, creating my own safety.”
Everything you desire comes from you first.
If you want love, give love.
If you want abundance, are you showing up abundantly?
We look at things like money and love as possessions that are owed to us rather than experiences that come from us.
My dear friend Annie said it best when she told me everything comes from the spine.
I started meditating with that visual, and sure enough, I could see this orb eminating from my spine and wrapping around me. Everything we seek begins at the base of the spine.
The things we experience, the relationship to money, to people, to our environment, comes from the spine. What I mean by that is it always begins with observation of what role that subject is playing for us.
What role did we assign to the idea of love? Safety? Fear? Prison?
What role did we assign to the concept of money? Freedom? Evil? Wrong?
This observation offers up the subject a role to play out in order to solidify our perception of that concept. We’re seeking out our own confirmation bias.
And guess what?
You really do have more control over the confirmation biases you’re seeking than you’re taught to believe.
That is something I will be screaming from the hilltops for the rest of my life until everyone I know and love sees how powerful that insight is.
Now, you may be a long-time reader of my work and to that I tip my hat at you. So you probably have heard me say this a thousand times and are going to say, “wow that’s great. I understand that, but how the hell do I start shifting?”
That is EXACTLY why I’ve created Romantic Hoe Season (tshirt idea?).
When you do this meditation, you open yourself up to your sankalpa, your heartfelt intention. You can connect to a true desire, and allow yourself the compassion and space to trust that it is for you.
If you can remember your sankalpa after the meditation, I would write it down, and carry it with you.
This is the beginning of your romantic life.
Journal about what you find romantic. Or better yet, journal about what you wish you had in romance.
One of my friends told me she has never been hit on; that she felt so unseen and just wanted to experience the sensation.
So I asked if she ever hit on anyone?
No, she hadn’t.
If you’re not willing to show up in the energy you desire, how can you expect that energy to show up for you?
We discovered that hitting on someone for a friendship would be her gateway.
Even asking your dental hygienist to be your friend can open yourself up to receiving.
Which I know seems counterintuitive because I’m telling you to be the one doing the intiating.
But, it’s a different intention.
Finding your romance, or presence, is allowing yourself the space to hold the energy, releasing the grip of entitlment.
By doing this, you’re trusting in yourself that this energy is always present, regardless of what comes to you.
Just by allowing yourself to “hit on” potential friends, you’re creating the energy that you want to receive. There is no hoping, waiting, seeking. You are already in the energy.
Once you decide, it is done.
Subtle Activations
Stop Searching
Our attachment to identity is tied to our obsession with
Clarity.
The product that everyone wants to buy,
but no one can seem to find. 
More CITF
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