We're All Out at Sea
lost to the waves
It’s weird that I tried to focus on the theme “Community” for the month of April, only to disappear from my newsletter, podcast, and social pages.
And it feels like I can’t move on until I finally address community in its entirety.
It’s not that I wasn’t focused on community; in fact it was the opposite.
When I decided my theme, I unknowingly began to focus on my “in-person” community. I was pulled away from my online world, only to meet so many people, travel around SoCal, participate in an art show, play beach volleyball…really just putting myself out there.
There was no where to hide. I was out at sea, just trying to enjoy the waves as they came.
I had spent so long trying to drag a community together online, ego bruised and exhausted, that I forgot how easy it can be to find community outside of the digital space.
When I drove to Santa Fe and Denver without knowing anyone, I was surprised at how quickly I made deep connections that influence me to this day. And it really shouldn’t be surprising; I am reminded again and again how I magnetize people into my life.
You see all these people building online communities, growing successful businesses through social media, existing in these digital spaces. You see it so much you begin to question your own ability to create a community offline.
I mean, of course you don’t hear about it…online…where their community is not, but it feels like they just don’t exist anymore. No, having an in-person space seems too unrealistic, instead let me spread myself thin creating social content, podcasts, newsletters, and digital media. That must be the only way.
But…Go where the energy flows.
This doesn’t apply to everyone. Maybe you are someone who finds that buzzy, feel-good energy in the online spaces. But, selfishly, I must remind myself that my community can be found anywhere…as long as I stay open.
Attention Expands. Intention Transforms.
Over the years, I’ve been shown that it’s much more efficient when seeking your desires to focus your energy on where you are already expanded. That light and fluffy feeling you get when you cook? Or maybe that inspiring twinkle you find when you travel? Opening ourselves more to where we are already experiencing the emotions we attach to our desire, is how we allow even more in.
Life goes where energy flows.
We are taught it backwards. The “we,” being the esoteric collective consciousness. But we are taught not to focus on where we are already flowing, because that is “complete.” It doesn’t need our attention because it is good. Instead, we are taught to focus on what we need to fix, heal, mend, work on. We are taught to look for the gaps in our light. Those stains in our being that we must clean in order to further our path just a little closer to our desire.
So we view “working” on ourselves as the answer. And at the same time told to stay positive about it all, and to go where we will find what we desire.
I’ll give you an example.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “you can only love as deeply as you love yourself?”
That kind of messaging tells us we are not ready for love until we complete a laundry list of healing tasks.
While at the SAME time we are told to find love where we already find ourselves. Go to the rock climbing gym if you’re that kind of person. Or to coffee shops, or bars if that’s your thing, or join a beach volleyball team.
It’s opposite messaging. And often leads people to feeling frustrated when they do work on themselves and put themselves in these places.
Like, “Hello, I’m focusing on healing, I’m looking at all my unloveable parts, and I’m putting myself out there. Where is my person?”
You’re putting yourself in these environments, which is great, but with the energy of the parts of yourself that are unloveable. Those parts are seeking validation. Those parts want to be proven right that they are unloveable. And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean you are wrong or less than. It just means we all have those parts.
You just don’t need to focus on them so hard.
Instead, focusing on the sensation that you attach to having a relationship. If you had a relationship, what feelings would you be experiencing? Grounded-ness? Peace? Thrill?
Whatever it is, take note and then ask yourself where you are already experiencing that sensation.
That’s the place to focus your energy.
That’s what expands the energy to open yourself up to the experiences that will bring you more of that sensation.
That’s why I disappeared when I named my theme community.
Community to me feels collaborative, nourishing, grounding. It feels fun as fuck, like dancing the Macarena at a house music festival while everyone around you is equal parts confused and impressed.
So when I set out to do community for all these years, I thought I had to focus on what wasn’t working. Why I wasn’t experiencing community online. Work on my blocks and insecurities, and then push even harder. Because the formula is work on yourself + show up in the environment = success and stardom.
Of course I was pulling teeth and feeling completely exhausted.
The online space does not necessarily hold the sensations I tied to community.
What does hold those sensations is travel, camping, hosting art shows, dancing, playing beach volleyball. All the things that I quickly and almost unconsciously moved into when I announced to the world that I, Deanna, would be focusing on community.
My main takeaway from all of this is to really check in with yourself on your values. If you want community, what does community truly mean to you? What images pop up, what feelings?
It’s hard not to give all your attention to what isn’t working. We crave solutions, answers, we want to solve the puzzle.
And every time I am knocked down from my self-imposed rules, I am once again reminded of Kiki’s Delivery Service when Kiki loses her ability to fly. She meets an artist living in the woods who guides her back to herself.
Stop trying. Take long walks. Look at scenery. Doze off at noon. Don’t even think about flying. And then, pretty soon, you’ll be flying again.
—Ursula
Detachment. We meet again.
This felt like a crash course in what it means to release the attachment to how something is meant to look and lean into what it can be.
I personally am someone who likes clear, actionable steps. Partly why I choose a monthly theme. So detaching and this idea of focusing on sensation has been a challenge for me and something I’ve only really been playing with recently.
Subtle Activations
Consciously or unconsciously, what do you feel your energy is currently seeking? Wealth? Comfort? Community?
What are you experiencing around that thing? Are you being tested by pet peeves or people or unexpected situations? Are you being expanded by those around you? Are you receiving a lot of opportunities and choices?
List out any big changes throughout your life that you can remember. What things occurred right before? What emotions came up before the change? Did anyone new? Did you try something new or go somewhere different?
Where do you feel your life is extremely slow? Have you been hoping for something in that area? How would it feel to receive that thing right now?
And since we are finally addressing Community, have a check in with yours. Go through your community (I know it sounds harsh) and give them a scale of 1 - 10 on how you feel AFTER being around them. Those that are 8 and up are where to focus your intentional energy.
And yes, focusing on the sensations you associate with community will magnetize you and effortlessly bring your community to you. I wish I had more concrete steps than this, but I am too in the thick of it, just out here at sea.
I hope you can enjoy the waves.
Unblocked Consciousness
Our core mission
through life
is to learn
through experience
through expression
through connection
we become a system of
unblocked channels
ready to hold the pose
releasing the waters we outgrow
pouring into each other
to discover
the flow always returns home.